You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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