I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
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Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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