I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
