i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
