How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
