somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
