if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
