im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
