Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
