So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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