Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
