So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
