trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
