No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
