Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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