My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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