obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is Oprah even human
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
