i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
