i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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