Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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