Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
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I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
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I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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