I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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