Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
