you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
