You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
