I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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