if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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