i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
