2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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