Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
