Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I am available for nakedness
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
