why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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