No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
