Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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