somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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