i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
