I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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