I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
