I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
