just tell him i said nine months
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
