kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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