i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
