Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we made out on top of his cat.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
