she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
