I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
