apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
