The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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