quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
