Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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