i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
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Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
sex in a hospital.. check
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I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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