I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
