There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
