Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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