sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
