So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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