Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
