Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sext me about skeletons
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
