I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I didn't shave. On purpose
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
