Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
