Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
