Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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