sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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