I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We had sex on a dog bed..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
