I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
