Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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