Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
