I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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