I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
