Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
