I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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