If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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