I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
