why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
