I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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