return my video game
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The adults are the big ones right?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
