Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
