There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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