It's Friday. Sex?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
