I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
